Discovering Happiness

I talk to so many women that are struggling with maintaining happiness.  They may feel happy for a day or two, or even a few months, then find themselves back in despair without seeing a way out.  Here are three tips for discovering and maintaining happiness:

1. Realize that you have a choice and you are not simply a victim of your circumstances. The life events that have negatively impacted you are very real and your emotions are valid; however, you have a choice about how you respond to these events.  If you’ve spent several years, months, or even days, wallowing in despair, decide today to make a different choice as your response to the situation.  You can actually CHOOSE to respond with a conqueror mentality.  In other words, you can decide that you will conquer whatever has happened to you, and come out BETTER than before.  For example, if you’ve experienced infidelity, rape, molestation, anything of the sorts, you can choose to let the experience empower you with compassion for others who’ve experienced the same and use your life experience(s) to help others, write a book, do free workshops at your public library, start a support group (on meetup.com for example), start a blog, start a ministry at your church, volunteer to go into the schools to talk to kids about it, or simply write a letter to yourself, giving yourself permission to live a full and free life full of love and joy, despite what has happened to you.  There is tremendous power in your choice.
    
2. Embrace your freedom to live a full life, unbound by the expectations of others and limiting beliefs that confine you from expressing yourself fully. When I was a child, I was taught to believe that bright colors were only worn by circus clowns and ladies who walk the streets at night exchanging money for sexual favors.  This probably sounds ludicrous to most, but it was a sound teaching from a southern family deeply rooted in religion. As a result, I spent most of my adult life wearing beige, black, gray, white, and dark blue.  I eventually realized that this limiting belief was stifling my ability to fully express who I am.  As long as I chose to reside in that box full of neutral-colored clothing, I was bound by that teaching from my family, and not living a full, free life.  As I type this, in a bright red shirt with gold metallic trim, I feel like a butterfly that has broken out of its cocoon, and you will feel that too once you identify your limiting beliefs, and choose to break free from them!
    
3. Love others deeply and fully, regardless of past hurts and disappointments. When you hold back your love from others, and keep your heart behind guarded walls and armored shields, you are actually restricting yourself from receiving the fullness of love in your own life.  If you are wearing a full suit of armor to protect yourself, you are preventing your love from going out, but you are also preventing any love from coming in.  Trust yourself that you can handle any hurts, pains, or disappointments that may come your way, and trust that you will not crumble, your life will not end, and you will rebound.  Allow yourself to love deeply.
    

Check in with yourself daily to make sure you are actively following these tips and this will serve as a roadmap for you to find your way to “happy”.  I’d love to hear your comment below.